Why three weeks? “You need about a week to let your body and mind adjust to not being around someone that you've been in a relationship with,” says Farrell. The exact temporal parameters can vary from couple to couple, but 3 weeks apart is a good baseline to set. “For example, ‘I need to manage my anxiety better so that I don’t pick unnecessary fights.’” “What do you hope will be different once the break ends?” asks Chlipala. Work out the logistics beforehandīefore a couple goes on a break, it’s important to delineate the “why” so that you’re not wasting time. A break can help you untangle issues around communication and problem-solving. You're going to hit bumps, and that’s perfectly okay. A break is just one approach.” Many couples have unrealistic expectations for long-term partnerships. “It's more about how you choose to work through those problems and the approach you take. Most problems in relationships can’t be fully solved but that's not as bad as it sounds, explains Kongit Farrell, LMFT and founder of Inspired Journey Counseling Center. It’s not always easy sharing your life with another person, and you’re inevitably going to run into problems.
Here’s what to do for a smooth and productive time apart: Don’t panic “Once you’re on a break, you may realize things aren’t as bad as you thought they would be on your own,” she says. If you’re staying in the relationship because you’re afraid of being alone or you catastrophize what your life would be like without your current partner, it could be time for a break. “Fear can look like a lot of different things,” says Chlipala. There’s another reason for a break that can be hard to acknowledge: you’re worried you’re not really right for each other, but stay out of fear. You don’t have to be in a perfect place to be in a relationship, but a break can give you time to figure out if you’re ready to fully commit. Maybe you want to work on yourself, be at a particular point in your career, or move out of your parents’ house. “Feelings can be powerful,” says Chlipala, “but with some physical and emotional distance, you might start thinking, ‘How did I ever put up with that?’ or ‘Why did I make such a big deal about such small things?’”Īnother reason you may consider a break is if you feel you’re not at the right place in life to be in a relationship. It lets you hit the pause button and analyze the event so that you're not immediately reactive. Taking some space can be beneficial when something jarring happens in a relationship, such as infidelity or a sudden career change. The key is that it’s a break from the day-to-day routine and life you have as a couple. “It doesn’t mean there’s an official breakup, just that the couple is pausing the relationship for a certain period of time.” Depending on the couple, this may mean a physical separation, limited communication, or a change to the “rules” around the relationship. “When a couple is having issues, a break can provide evidence of what’s the best decision in terms of the relationship,” says Chlipala. So, what does “taking a break” mean?Ī break is like putting a bookmark in the relationship, so you can temporarily take a step back and reassess what the partnership means to both of you. “Giving yourself some space can let you see your relationship from a different perspective.”Ī break doesn’t have to mean catastrophe - it can provide the necessary time and space to evaluate the partnership. “When you’re in a relationship, it may be difficult to see things objectively,” says Anita Chlipala, a Chicago-based licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).
Well, there’s no cookie-cutter way to take a pause, but doing so can actually be extremely healthy for both the individual and the partnership.
Many of us have known at least one on-again-off-again couple who (cue the Friends references) seem to be constantly “on a break.” And while it’s easy to dismiss them as a bit dramatic, maybe we also quietly wonder, ‘do me and my partner need space?’ I mean, what does a “break” even mean? Is it necessarily a bad thing?